Back on December 30, 2007 I posted a funny essay called “The Evolution of Conservatives and Liberals.” Now I have received a similar piece, which just lists the differences between those two opinions. This will come in handy, because the two terms, especially “liberal,” do not mean what they meant a generation or two ago.
Conservative vs. Liberal
1. If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.
2. If a liberal doesn’t like guns, he wants your guns outlawed.
3. If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.
4. If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
5. If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
6. A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.
7. If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
8. If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.
9. If a black or Hispanic men are conservative, they see themselves as independently successful.
10. Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.
11. If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
12. A down-and-out liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.
13. If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.
14. Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.
15. If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.
16. A liberal non-believer wants any mention of the Judeo-Christian God and religion silenced.
17. If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may compete for a job that provides it.
18. A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.
19. If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed.
20. If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he’s in labor and then sues.
21. If a conservative reads this, he’ll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
22. A liberal will delete it because he’s “offended.”